I'm Alright
by ToxicLullaby
Summary: A poem about Dean and his life this far.


When the heat of the fire hit my 4 year old skin, I was alright

My baby brother in my arms, I fled into the cold, dark night

Shivers ran down my spine as I ran barefooted into the damp grass

My father came running out, removing us from the blast

Watching it burn, not only our home but our lives as we knew it

I knew my mother wouldn't be coming out, that was all there was to it

Moving around from motel to motel, I was alright

A sawed off always at my side to protect my little brother from the things that go bump in the night

Our dad was always gone on a hunt, leaving me to care for Sam

To cook his food, to mend his wounds, to wake him up and get him ready for school as early as 6 am

When he got sick, I'd make him better again

To be honest, he was my only friend

Going through the training, I was alright

I learned to handle a shotgun, and to bite back my fright

I always tried to stay strong and not hide

But what my dad didn't know is that I was secretly crying inside

I would never let him see this, never give him a glimpse at my weakness

I found a place for my emotions in a dark cold corner in the back of my mind

I knew better then to hope that he had gone blind

When Sammy abandoned me to give himself a better life, I was alright

I kept myself busy with hunting and the company of woman to ease the growing void I had inside

I became smarter, faster, better on my feet

I was following in my fathers footsteps, a superficial life I did not seek

As the years went by, so did the feeling of loss

That loss turned into loneliness as I continued to take up my cross

I was a warrior, trained to save the weak and unknowing

Even with that dark spot in my heart, I kept on going

When Dad went missing, I was alright

I commandeered Sam from his safe and normal life

We sniffed out a trail, but we continued to fail

I kept telling myself he wasn't dead, he hasn't found his place in hell

But Sam wouldn't stay, his new life beckoning him

My tears didn't show when he left me once again, but they were all too present within

I wish he didn't have to go through what dad did when the demon took the love of his life

All I could do was tell him he couldn't have prevented it, but he always looked as if he was being stabbed with a knife

When dad died, I was alright

That familiar dark void coming back into the light

I knew why he did it, I didn't see through it

But all I could think is how could I be worthy of this

He traded his life for mine, so that I could continue on our mission in life

Kill the demon that killed our mom and Jess

But even with Sammy once more at my side, I knew that my mind would never regress

Those words that he told me stung me and drilled me into the ground

"If you can't save him, kill him" he said with a frown

How could he do this, how could he whisper in my ear this warning

Just for me to watch his body lay limp in the hospital bed, the nurse pronouncing "Time of death, 10:41 in the morning."

When I knew Sam might turn evil, I was alright

I wouldn't let him go, not without one hell of a fight

I would bleed, be bruised, and have wounds deeper then the skin

But no matter who or what might try to take him, I would never give in

He's my baby brother, there's nothing I wouldn't do

I would always be there with him, when he was angry, hurt, or feeling blue

The months flew by, grey went the sky

We continued saving people, but our anxiousness grew high

Always alert, ready, and aloof

Slowly but surly, we started to see proof

That Sam may be turning into something he's not

But I still couldn't pull that fatal trigger, he's all that I've got

When Sam died, I was alright

I contemplated death, but knew that wasn't right

I knew he would still be gone, unable to see the light of day

So I went to a crossroads, and gave my soul away

"One year, and one year only," the demon says

Before the hellhounds would be on my trail, but I couldn't care less

I pulled her in for a deadly kiss

Before I went back to Sam, taking him into my arms, I just couldn't resist

My time will come up, I will soon be dead to the world

But my brother would still be here, saving every innocent boy and girl

When I look back at what I did, I'm alright

Because my baby brother will still be here to fight the good fight

I don't regret it, I never will

Even if I am scared, I'll still have to pay the bill

If I got one wish, one thing I could do before I'm gone

It would be to hold my brother one last time, to tell him I'm glad I'm not alone

But he will be, and I know he'll miss my company

But he deserves to be here more then me, for I am not worthy

So tonight I'll close my eyes, get lost in a dream, and wake up to the morning light

Even if I feel like my entire life has been leading to my demise, I'll keep telling myself I'm alright


End file.
